I Thought I Had Lost You
by CoolKidConan
Summary: Standing in front of that burning building, Kate Beckett was desperate. Just the thought of losing him, the thought of never seeing him again killed her. Give it a try please! Established Caskett ofc! One-shot! Review please!


**I Thought I Had Lost You **

_****Hello! So anyways, this is my second Castle fanfic. Just some random thought that came to me and I had to write down. Kind of angsty, but only at first. Give it a try! Please review! Thank you! _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of the characters. _

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"I'm sorry M'am, but we can't get in there."

"I'm not just a civilian, I'm a detective with the NYPD!"

"I'm still sorry detective…?"

"Beckett."

"Detective Beckett… But there's nothing we can do. We can't get in there now."

"No, you don't understand. There's someone in there that has to be rescued!"

"Detective, there's many people in there that need rescue."

"No you don't understand, he's my p…"

Well, that was weird. She wouldn't have hesitated to say it before. It had been four years, and in four years she had grown accustomed to calling him by that term. That term that was so special, so specific for both of them. Because they were friends, best friends, and they worked together, but there was always something else. Always. That's why they referred to each other as partners. It had been this way for four years, and it had worked just fine. Other than the occasional confusion, what with the: are you two together? And whatnot, but they had defined it as a partnership, and they were perfectly fine. They were perfectly fine until three months ago, when she had let her shooter go, and she hadn't cared. Three months ago, when she had resigned from the force. Three months ago, when she had appeared at his door and declared that she only wanted him. Now, three months later, she was standing before the large building caught on fire, talking to a fireman, at a loss for words to describe who it was that was in there.

"Detective? He's your what?" the man asked her. She was still slightly at a loss for words. "Detective?"

"He's my… partner." She said, finally. And the minute it escaped her lips she knew it had sounded terribly awful. It had sounded forced, and unnatural. But, why? Up until now, he had been her partner; they had a partnership. Why had it changed so much now? She didn't know. Did she know? Oh, who was she kidding? Of course she knew! She knew from the minute she was dangling off that wall. She knew from the minute she realized that all she cared about was him. If thinking she had lost him forever was unbearable then, now she was dying inside. By the time she felt hot tears fill her eyes, and had felt them slowly roll down her cheeks, she was screaming off the top of her lungs, losing her temper, her calm, her patience, everything she had. To think that just the thought of never seeing him again would have that effect on her.

"He's my boyfriend!" she finally screamed at the fireman, who was trying to calm her down. "Please, you have to get him out! You have… You have to get him out! Please!" she was begging, pleading, almost on her knees, with tears rolling down her cheeks in never-ending cascades, ruining her make up. She was trembling like a cold puppy in the rain; she was a complete mess. But she didn't care. All she cared was that now, finally, after all these years, now that they were finally together and happy. She had lost him. Like she had lost Captain Montgomery. Like she had lost her mother. She couldn't bear losing someone else she loved, especially not him.

"Please…" she now whispered, finally giving up, almost ready to accept that she had lost him. "Please.." that last plead was just a soft moan. The fireman looked at her with care, sadness, and tenderness.

"I'm sorry…" he told her. But not even all the apologies in the world would make her feel less painful.

"No…" she said, refusing to believe it. "No… no.. no…" she kept telling herself, her gaze now lost in the distant horizon, her mind clouded, unable to think. She was in agonizing pain. It was worse than getting shot in the chest, she thought. This was what death felt like. The firemen grabbed hold of her before she fell to the floor. This was what death felt like.

"Beckett? Kate?" she thought she heard a voice say. But she swore it was her imagination playing tricks on her. "Kate? Kate?" she heard it again. "Kate!" she heard one more time. She was convinced it wasn't a hallucination now. She rose on her feet in an instant, now able to hold herself up, with one last string of hope. Her head moved around desperately. She looked everywhere for him. Any sight at all. Any simple sight of him would do. She shook her head everywhere in a desperate manner, and then, she saw. He was standing there, his hair ruffled in a mess, his face covered in rubble, grayish and cut with blood everywhere. He was breathing rapidly, coughing every now and then. She saw him, standing there, alive. He was alive. She hadn't lost him. He was alive, and thus so was she. Her eyes were open big and her cascades of tears now fell for joy.

"Castle…" she mumbled, as if making sure it was him. As if trying to convince herself that he was really there. "Castle… Rick…" she said finally. She let go of the arms of the firefighter, who was looking at this scene in awe, and she ran towards him. She threw herself to his arms, not caring about the fact that he was covered in wounds, and in blood, and that most probably she was hurting him. She just cared that he was alive, and he was well, and she hadn't lost him forever. She was sobbing into his chest desperately, as he stroked her hair soothingly.

"Shh… It's fine, I'm alright, I'm okay, I'm alive, see?" he kept saying.

"I thought I had lost you forever!" she sobbed, not even bothering to regain her composure.

"Me too…" he said. She looked at him and put her palms on his cheeks, as if needing to touch him to make sure he was really there, he was real.

"How did you get out?" she asked, between tears.

"I smelled the smoke and got out before anything bad happened. I could take some people with me, people that would listen to me. I'm just sorry I couldn't take more people out." He said, wiping her tears with his thumbs. She hugged him again, tightly, resting her head on his chest.

"I love you so much." She said, almost in a whisper.

"I love you too." He answered back, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"Promise to stay with me? Forever? Promise to never let go?" she asked, between tears again.

"Always." He answered. It was simple and it was true. Perhaps they weren't 'partners' anymore; perhaps they were something more. Maybe something had changed between them. But there was something that would never change. That one word, that one promise that meant so little and yet so much.

_Always._

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_So? What did you think? Reviews please! :D _


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